A little boy, who wanted $100.00 very badly, prayed for two
weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting $100.00. When the postal authorities received
the letter to GOD, U.S.A., they decided to send it to President Obama. President Obama was so impressed, touched, and amused
that he instructed his secretary to send the boy $5.00. Mr. Obama thought that this would appear to be a lot of money
to the little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and immediately sat down to write a thank you note to GOD that
read: "Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send
it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those devils deducted $95.00.
8:15 pm est
An elderly woman had just returned
to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of
robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop - Acts 2:38!" (..turn from your sin...) The burglar stopped
dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to
take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and two 38's!"
8:12 pm est
preacher trained his horse to go when he said, "Praise the Lord," and to stop when he said, "Amen". The
preacher mounted the horse, said, "Praise the Lord" and went for a ride.
When he wanted to stop for
lunch, he said, "Amen".
He took off again, saying, "Praise the Lord".
started going toward the edge of the cliff. The preacher got excited and said, "Whoa!". Then he remembered and said,
"Amen", so the horse stopped at the edge. The preacher was so relieved that he looked up to heaven and said, "Praise
7:06 pm est
The Pope dies and goes to heaven.
When he gets there, Saint Peter shows him to his new quarters - a tiny one bedroom apartment.
The Pope is horrified
and demands to know why he doesn't have the penthouse apartment, which is huge.
Saint Peter informs him that
the resident of the penthouse is a lawyer.
"A lawyer," says the Pope. "But I'm the Pope, surely
I'm more important than a lawyer!"
"With respect Sir," says Saint Peter, "We have lots
of Pope's up here, but we only have ONE lawyer!"
7:02 pm est
balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship espied smoke coming from one of three huts on an uncharted island. Upon arriving
at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on
this island for more than five years!"
The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why
do I see THREE huts."
The survivor said, "Oh. Well, I live in one, and go to church in another."
"What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain.
"That's where I USED to go to church."
5:20 pm est
little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something
fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!"
5:15 pm est
a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm a millionaire,"
he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith.
I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his
work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment
I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting
in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you to do it again."
Was Jonah Really Swallowed
By A Whale?
There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying
made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next
to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing.
a while he turned to her and asked "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"
lady replied "Of course I do because it is the Bible, and I beleive the Bible is the inspired word of God."
He said "Well ... what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"
She replied "Oh,
Jonah. Yes! I believe that, it is in the Bible."
He asked "Well, how do you suppose he survived all
that time inside the whale?"
The lady said "Well I don't really know ... I guess when I get
to heaven I will ask him."
"What if he
isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the lady.
A Minister was walking down
the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.
had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that
of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home.
So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."
the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched
into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with,
"Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about
a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep
sigh and said, "All right, give the reverend the dog."
The Rest Of The Story
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that
it would be a woman.
He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover
clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never
ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit
she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion
whenever you need it.
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An
arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history ...
The Pope, Billy Graham, and
Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.
this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those
coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take
you in and we can't send you back...."
Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got
these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em.
I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. What d'ya say?"
the Devil agreed.
However, two days later, St. Peter got a call.
"Pete, Lu. Hey, you gotta
come get these three clowns.
This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody,
the Graham guy is saving everybody,
that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter
said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a
week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"
The first priest says, "I've
always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies
the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week
'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of
what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be
be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord
tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.
first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the
second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asketh the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere
in North Dakota."